The past 4 more months of my life I have done a lot of thinking. What if I would have done it this way? What if I wait another year? What will people think of me? Will I disappoint a few people? I've been thinking about what my calling is or what my "title" will be.
I have been in and out of college for going on 4 years now and changed my major back and forth from business to education. I had no clue which path I wanted to take. Looking back that should have been my first clue. "Martha maybe college isn't for you right now". I have always been a "go getter", not a quitter but a finisher, a deans list girl. Well in this season of my life college and I don't get along very well but my husband and I do! Many of you out there have gone to school while being married, raising kids and carrying a job all at the same time but that's not me. I won't say I can't do that because one day maybe I might be able to if that's what God wants me to do but at this point in my life and my marriage I have to put school on pause. I have no desire to even finish school at this point. I don't know where the motivation went but I just don't want to go right now and finally being able to tell the world that feels AMAZING!
I no longer care what people think when I say I don't have a degree. For the past 4 months I have been beating myself up about what a loser I am because I have no desire to finish school. One question I thought I would dread when I got the word out that i'm done with school for now is "Well what are you doing now if you're not in school?" My answer. "I am a wife and I am strengthening my relationship with the Lord!"
Right now my hearts desire is God. I am very much enjoying the time I have to dig into his word every day. This is bad but it's the truth... When I was busy with school I felt guilty doing a devotional because in order to read Gods word I had to put my school books down for a little while. Now I have nothing holding me back and I love that!!!
My hearts desire is to stay happy in my marriage. I have said this many times before but getting adjusted to Jeremy being home has been lots of work and we are finally feeling like things are normal for us again. The past 8 months Jeremy has been home the Lord has shown me how hard you have to work in you marriage. I am not the perfect wife and I don't expect to be but I strive to be! I pray about 100x a day asking God for help, wisdom and answers.
My hearts desire is to be the best homemaker (what I now like to call myself a "Proverbs 31 women in training") I can be. I enjoy being a wife and worrying about what I'm going to fix Jeremy for breakfast, what's for dinner, keeping the floors nice and shiny, doing laundry, folding clothes and keeping things organized. I enjoy entertaining and welcoming strangers into my home (Andrew Rutherford and Kaitlyn Dunshee, now two of our best friends).
I am no longer searching for answers to my prayers...my prayers used to sound like this..."God tell me what to do with myself!", "Help me find my purpose!", "I want to feel wanted!", "I want to feel important!"
This past Sunday at church was amazing! My friend Elizabeth got up to announce her and her husbands calling to be missionaries is falling into place and she said the Lord was telling them all last week that "It's time! Do it!"...So they are! After her testimony our pastor, pastor Rick, asked if anyone else has a testimony to share!!!!! That turned into an hour, hour and half of God filled testimonies! I LOVED it! I love listening to people stories. Later in our service we were singing praise and worship music and I was taking in every voice in the room enjoying the music, then it was like God was saying "Martha, come kneel at the altar, we need to chat!" Oh my gosh the feeling that came over me was breath taking, literally, I was having trouble breathing, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest, it was everything I could do to keep calm and keep the tears from flowing. When pastor said we were going into the part of our service where we are invited to come to the altar I practically ran up there, I wanted to hear what God had to say! Let me back up a little. No you don't have to be at the altar to talk to God but as the time at the altar started to rap up my pastor's wife Emily knelt down beside me and prayed for me, God was speaking through her! We got to talking once I calmed down and I shared with her how I was feeling and what was heavy on my heart the past couple months and she told me what God has been telling me all along but I just wouldn't listen, do what Martha wants to do and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. She said do what makes you happy! So, I'm doing just that!! I'm doing what my heart desires!!!! (I think that's a great name for this blog! What do you think?)
While I am patiently waiting to be a mommy (as in hubby isn't ready to start a family yet) I'm going to keep on keeping on! I'm going to continue to live in Gods word, be the best wife and homemaker I can be and be a good friend! I am so happy I have shared this with the world and gotten it off my chest!
I want to thank my hubby for supporting me in this decision! He has pushed me and encouraged me to finish school and honestly I was afraid of what his reaction would be when I told him my new life decision or rather my calling in this season of my life. He was totally fine with it! I think he likes having all of me now and not the stressed out person I was when I was in school! I love you Jammy-Pie!
I want to thank my mom and dad for loving me and supporting in whatever I do. They tell me often how proud they are of me and it means so much to hear them say that! If you ask me, not to boast or anything, but I think they did a pretty good job at raising me! Everything I do I learned through them! They made sure I grew up in church, a great one to be exact, I love my church family in Bluefield, and they instilled good moral values in me! I love you mom and dad!!!!
Have a blessed day and thanks for reading my blog!!!!
